When Christian Friends Fall

Hi Girls,

Ever had a friend who grew up Christian, seemed focused on God and into following his word? Then as they grow up, they drift away from God and eventually just live a lifetsyle society approves of? Or maybe you thought everything was good with your friend and God and one day, they make a 'unchristian' decision and you suddenly realize that they are further from God than you original believed?

I've had friends like this and it is such a sad situation when you see a Christian girl (or guy) fall away from God and begin to make choices that you know don't please God. What do you do? Some people take offense to being told that they are not acting according to God's design for our lives and this causes breaks in the friendship. Others actually benefit from correction and your pointing out their mistake plants a seed that one day helps them to come around. I have to confess, I find this a terribly difficult situation and I have a hard time knowing what to do.

Just a side note here, we are talking about Christians only because non Christians did not make a promise to follow God. The Bible says in Matthew 18: 15-17 that “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector." This is pretty intense but the keywords here are 'sins against you'. If the offense is not personal, than this act  of confrontation and shunning because of unrepentance for sin, should not occur (although you always have to forgive them even if they don't repent). Anyway, back on topic. So when my friend made bad life choices- ex. moving in with boyfriend- what do I do?

Matthew 7:1-3 says "Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others.The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged. And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own?" Okay, so this establishes that we should not sit in judgement about our friends. If my friend is lying, drinking (as in getting drunk), carrying on in other inappropriate ways- I shouldn't sit back and tell them what a horrible Christian and what a bad person they are. Hello! I make mistakes too! God views all sin equally so if I harshly judge my friends' mistakes, than God will harshly judge mine.

So what does this mean? Do I need to just sit back and watch my friends sin? I honestly don't believe that is right. I believe when we see our Christian friends making mistakes, it's important that they know we don't agree with them. For example, I have friends who are sleeping with their boyfriends and I think it's important that they know I don't agree with that lifestyle according to Biblical references but at the same time, it is not my place to criticize them for it. All I can do is point out what the Bible says. Overall, I think the best option is to pray for them because God will inspire repentance in their lives. I can't do that. I do not need to support them in their sin, just like they shouldn't give validation to the things I do wrong. It's the sin in my friends life that's wrong, not them personally. God can change people and I just have to pray that my friend will be willing, while at the same time, trying to live as pleasing to God as I can. And, we all have to try to be as humble and repentant as we can too.

I just hope all the girls out there will stay strong against the temptations to sin in the first place and that we will encourage each other not too. For example, ever had a Christian friend who moved in with their boyfriend and promised that they would still wait for marriage to have sex? Bet that didn't last too long- putting yourself in temptations way is not good at all. And we really need to help each other to stand strong against many temptations to sin (and not just with boys) or even temptations to practise harmful behaviours (like being overly critical of ourselves or even too bossy). This is all pretty difficult stuff to practise and deal with but it's important we're there for each other just like God is always there for us!