Intimacy???

Hi Girls,

When someone mentions or talks about intimacy, what do you think about it? What does intimate entail?

The Free Dictionary online defines intimate as:

1. Marked by close acquaintance, association, or familiarity.

2. Relating to or indicative of one's deepest nature

3. Essential; innermost: the intimate structure of matter.

4. Marked by informality and privacy

5. Very personal; private

6. Of or involved in a sexual relationship.

n. A close friend or confidant

Kinda broadens the thinking when put in an order like that eh? The only physical aspect of intimacy actually turns out to be last on the list- surprising?? Well, not really actually because in order that the physical/sexual stuff has deeper meaning, there needs to be a established basis of intimacy already, built from emotional and spiritual closeness.

So can a dating couple share intimacy? Why sure! In fact, couples on the pathway to marriage (which is what dating is) should definately be establishing intimacy with each other. They should be familiar, comfortable and secure together. They should start to understand each other's personal thoughts, dreams, desires, and life experiences. They should be each other's confidant. All this stuff, sets the stage for the future. If you can't trust your boyfriend or fiance with every single thought in your mind or feeling in your heart, even telling him of difficult experiences that happened to you- than you won't be able to trust him as a husband and that makes for an unhealthy marriage. There comes a time in a relationship where this deep level of intimacy is necessary to moving forward, so if you can't trust him with everything- than there are some issues you'll have to sort out before continuing on.

Yet life continually happens and things continually change within us, so even when we're married, we have to continue to work on intimacy. We have to continually evaluate our level of trust. Can we open our hearts again to our husband? Confess what we've been dealing with? We have to. It's the only way to have a continually healthy relationship. Couples who can't confide in each other like that need to seek help from others and turn to God, otherwise they're going to destroy their marriage. We have to know what the other person is thinking and feeling on the deepest levels. That's how closeness is maintained. After all, I think for many people, the physical/sexual part of a relationship is easy compared to the emotional/trust part. Both have to do with intimacy.

Often us girls have our close female friends who we find it is so easy to share our personal thoughts with because we're relational like that and know that they probably understand pretty well. Yet, some girls struggle with relating in the same way to their significant other. In a relationship, your man has to be your bestest best friend, first among other people, the closest person to you (besides God that is; God needs to always be number 1 in the relationship, and in your life). Sometimes it's so easy to allow a bit of distance to form but we can't let that happen. Girl friends are wonderful but they cannot take the place of your husband because he has to know you the best, be closest to you and you have to confide in him first. That will make for a healthy, intimate relationship.

Although, I think it is important to note that intimacy doesn't happen right away; your boyfriend may not become your closest confidant right away. It takes time to build that level of intmacy but eventually, it should happen where he just becomes the most important person in your life, the closest person to you. Learning intimacy is not always easy, and sometimes not even fun, but it's worth it, and definately rewarding in the end.

Yet we can't forget about having intimacy with God either. That should be first in our lives because it paves the way for all our other relationships. I once heard someone talk on the definition of intimacy with God and how it just means 'in to me' which we have with the Holy Spirit living in us. We have that close connection. God already knows all our feelings, thoughts and concerns even before we say a word. Yet it's still good to talk them out with him because we need that release of whatever we're dealing with and he loves hearing from us. God loves to communicate with us. So, remember, before intimacy can come in other areas of our life, we need to work on it with God first. Allowing him to see every area of our heart, giving all over to him because inviting him to take over, take control, is essential to our well being.