Why Sex is Good

Hey Girls,

I know, some of you may be thinking, isn't that obvious? Sure, it does have an obvious factor but it's more than that. If we look at media for why sex is good, all we get are images of instant gratification and personal pleasure or selfish drives for pleasure. Very rarely is it about giving or acting selfless or sacrifice even.

Anyone who is married can surely comment on this- I hope. But I also think it's important for girls who aren't married yet, in relationships and single, because this is something we all think about. It's important to have knowledge, to be aware of truth and situations before we experience them. Sometimes I don't think that young people aren't educated enough on sex; their surely not educated properly. I mean, do you remember sex ed in school? Yes, thank you for giving me the biological/physical information on how it's done. We can thank the education system for equipping teenagers everywhere to have sex, and use protection (safe sex is such a debatable term). How often are teens education about the consequences or the emotional changes? Are they ever told that their one night stand can last them the rest of their lives? Whether they choose to listen or not, that's an entirely different story.

We're gonna look past the whole physical aspect of sex for now and look at the relational, emotional sides. It's pretty common knowledge that sex is a bonding experience, bringing two people together. It creates and confirms trust, love and commitment. It's a physical demonstration of the marriage vows. You spoke the words that you would be committed to one another for life and then you demonstrate it by becoming 'one'.

It's also a comment on your relationship. Think about it, if you're angry at your husband, having sex is the last thing you'll want to do. You wouldn't want to show vulnerability or give love in that mood. Yet when you're able to become intimate with your spouse, that's a demonstration of the peace and security following in the relationship. If something is wrong, it will show in your lack of physical intimacy. If you don't feel you can trust him, or don't feel loved or special or cherished, all that will become obvious in how you approach the subject of sex. If it's a approached as a service job, like something to get over with, get done (like an oil change on your car..haha) than something is not quite right in the relationship; it's obvious you're not feeling all that special and respected. When everything is good, sex will be good too. If something is not right, than it will become clear in the way you treat your husband, and the same goes for the way he treats you. If he's not feeling welcome or needed, he may act cold. Or if he's feeling disrespected, ignored or not cared for, than he may become demanding or pushy.

When there are problems with physical intimacy and couples don't deal with it, it can spiral out of control and effect every other area of the relationship. Often though, the problems with sex, don't have to do with sex itself, it has to do with the way spouses relate to each other. There is another root other than sex but the problem is demonstrated through the entire issue of sex. Sure, this is not that way all the time and couples can have trouble resulting from sex itself.

Sex is way more complicated than it's sometimes made out to be. After all, for many years it was that awkward subject no one really approached. Your parents didn't talk about it openly, did they? Or it's played out to be something really simple, no big deal- which totally diminishes it's importance.

People want to fill fulfilled, loved, cherished, secure, honoured and respected through their physical/emotional relationship. Sex is a great way to demonstrate this. It's a great way for a husband to show a wife how much he cares about her, by taking the time to make sure she's happy. It's a great way for a wife to show her affection for her husband by giving of herself.

It's also important that couples don't let excuses build up, such as 'I'm too tired'. If that is said day after day, night after night- something's not right. Maybe you need to make time for each other that doesn't involve late night hours. Go on a date, make sure everything is good between the two of you because sex will naturally follow out of a union where both spouses feel loved. Sure, sometimes you may feel not in the mood or tired  but part of loving your husband, part of sex, is sacrifice, selflessness. It's saying, ya I'm tired but I'm willing to try. And we often hear of how men want to go quick eh? Cut right to the good part? Well husbands, maybe this selflessness for you, this sacrifice, is to take a long time in the pre-show with your wife and let her dictate the speed of your love making. After all, sometimes the best intimate times arise when both spouses decide to give of themselves, to make sure that their spouse has the best time possible, maybe that means sacrificing their own wants or plans but it results in a much more loving relationship environment.

Well I've rambled long but I think this is one of those topics that just gets skipped over all too often in talks about marriage. It's easy to think of sex just as an act and not as a process, as a integral part of showing love in a relationship, a bond that lasts. This is why sex is good. Love, basic love, is a lifelong process. Marriage love, and all that entails, is another life long process, one of continually giving, continually reaching out and receiving love.