Monday, February 8, 2010

Where is the line?

Hi Girls,

Following kinda a theme over the last couple days we've established that a Christian girl must date a Christian boy, and that this needs to be a relationship that is directed by God, with a purpose, most likely leading to marriage. So today, I want to talk about what the Bible has to say on what happens during that relationship before marriage comes around.

What do you think? How far is it okay to go with your boyfriend, or even your fiance? Hugging, cuddling, kisses on the cheek to full on making out, do the clothes stay on or come off, anything goes as long as you don't have sex? I know some people believe that kissing shouldn't occur before engagement or that a couple should never be alone together or cuddle but I've always found those ideas too extreme (not to say that it doesn't work for some people). Everyone has their own ideas on this and I believe that God will guide the heart in conviction and truth as long as we take care to pray about our actions.

Personally, I find I need more specifics on this topic. 1 Timothy 5: 1-2 says "...Talk to younger men as you would your own brothers. Treat older women as you would your mother, and treat younger women with all purity as you would your own sisters." (NLT). Okay, so this establishes the basics- how we should treat each other in purity and respect. But when a relationship starts- kinda yucky to think of your boyfriend as your brother- but hold on, the point of the verse is still relevant. Treat each other with purity. Whatever you do with your significant other has to be in purity- nothing immoral. So I ask, how far can you go while still remaining pure?

I could be specific and tell you exactly what lines we drew in our relationship before getting married but then you'd just be listening to another person's list of rules when this is the kinda thing that has to be from your own heart. I've read about a couple that had sex before they were married but then they sought forgiveness; however, after that they both agreed not to lie down with each other. It was just too tempting. You really should not even put yourselves into situations where you feel tempted. That's a key thing I believe. If the temptation starts and you hear a little buzzer going off in your head- hello! You're about to cross the line. 1 Cornithians 10:13 states "The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure." (NLT). Kinda nice to know really. If a couple becomes tempted to go further than they should- crossing the purity line- than God will give them a way out. No one has sex without thinking- somewhere along the line people have to make a conscious choice- it never 'just happens'. But look to God and a way out of your temptation will be provided- always. (and it only makes sense to be smart and avoid those situations in the first place)

When you are pure and acting in purity, you are free from feeling guilty, you are innocent, chaste. The best thing a couple can do is openly discuss this subject, spend time in prayer about it as a couple and as individuals, then come together and figure out how best to treat each other in purity as 'brothers and sisters'. Until the vows are said before God, you are technically in the brother/sister catagory with each other, only afterwards do you become husband and wife (and get all the benefits of marriage). Which is why some people believe in having short engagements and not dating before for too long either- too tempting, especially when God has confirmed that you're with the right guy- just get married already.

So where is the line? You know the two of you are safe if you're acting in purity towards each other, guilt free, honouring and respectful in treating each other as you would a brother or a sister and not feeling driven by temptation to do more. So go ahead, love that fiance or boyfriend, in all PURITY!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hey Felicia,
I am just commenting to say that the current theme which you are writing about is very encouraging to me right now. I have been reading the blog every time it gets in my email so keep up the great blogging! I think God is really using you and your wisdom to speak to me and the other girls following the blog. Some of the things I know I just really need to hear. I hope the relationship posts keep on coming. God Bless!