Talk-Talk-Talk

Hey Girls,

How often do you have really great girl talk? Now compare that with how often you talk to your boyfriend/husband? More or less? Hopefully your best conversations occur with your significant other. It's so important to have good communication between the two of you- I can't stress it enough. I think a lot of the fights people get into are because they don't talk enough, and as a result, don't understand each other.

Communications issues are so common in relationships and that's understandable because it's something that's so easy to forget. Life happens. You're busy, he's busy and talking sometimes just slides off the to do list and you end up disagreeing and getting angry because you just cannot understand each other's lives anymore. It's also a hard thing to do sometimes. You have to create the time to talk but then the talking part is sometimes even more difficult.

It may be difficult for your guy to communicate with you and you might get frustrated why he never shares his feelings with you. Do you give him the chance? Often us girls are prone to interrupting or interpreting his feelings for him. When you want your significant other to really speak to you, you have to let him speak and you have to openly listen. Don't disregard what he has to say or downgrade its importance for whatever reason, if its important to him, than it's a real issue. Respect him by respecting his feelings and opinions. He may want you to offer advice, he may not. That's not the issue- listening is. The same goes for the way the guys treats us. Isn't it often the case that girls complain how he just won't listen? Sometimes guys just want to fix your problems for you when you don't really want a solution, you just want someone to listen and understand, sympathize with you. You have to tell him that. Don't expect him to know what you need, just like you do not always know what he needs. Communicate to him how you want him to treat you when you're talking and how you want him to respond. If you want him to offer advice, than ask. If you want him to just listen, understand and pray with you- just let him know.

I think we often are under the impression that our significant other should know what we want and what we're feeling without us having to ask. Suffice it to say, if you think that, you're gonna be disappointed. Only God knows us that completely. Don't expect so much out of your guy. He's trying his best to make you happy- or at least he should be but if he says it's his best, believe it. You cannot fully understand everything he goes through, just like he cannot enter your head and fully know what you go through. We have to just try to understand the best we can and know that complete knowing will evade us because we cannot live the other persons life.

The key to good communication is to talk- verbally! Non verbal will only get you so far, physical communication, through demonstrations of love, does not substitute for the other and vise versa. I think couples often fall back on their physical communication to demonstrate how close they are and how much they understand each other but that's incomplete. And going on like that for too long will create conflict. Some thoughts, feelings, just have to be expressed using words. At the same time, there are those couples who talk a lot but don't touch- and that's not healthy either. There needs to be a balance. After all, for all you married couples, maybe you've heard that the key to having a great physical relationship- great sex- is to talk about it!! That's like with everything in your relationship. If there is an area you want to see improvement in or make changes, discuss it, what you like and what you don't and compare your thoughts to your boyfriends/husbands and then you can agree on what to do.

So talk as much as you can together and then listen to each other, really listen. Try to see from the other person's point of view as much as possible. It will help you understand the situation far better. Be open to each other, allow yourselves to be vulnerable, trust the other person and express your desires. After all, you're always communicating with people even if you don't realize it. Isn't 90% of communication (or some really high percentage) subliminal? Be careful what you read into others subliminal messages because they may not mean as they seem and try to be aware of what your body language is saying when your voice is quiet.

Communication takes practice. It takes time and effort. It's not always easy. But in the end, it's always worth it!