Monday, May 31, 2010

Other Boundaries

Hey Girls,

I'd like your opinion on this so feel free to comment. What do you think is acceptable behaviour for how someone should act around the opposite sex when they are in a relationship themselves? There is a lot of talk about appropriate boundaries within a relationship between a guy and girl but what about outside of that? For example, I think a lot of people can agree that they would not like it if they saw their boyfriend flirting with another girl. But what about friendliness, or playfulness? How far before it's too far?

I've heard about one couple who wanted to maintain purity/protect each other in the relationship so they had a practice whereby they wouldn't be alone with a member of the opposite sex. Is that a little too extreme? Always needing to have a third party there?

Well it says in the Bible in 1Timothy 5:1-2 "Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity."  So all our relationship should focus on absolute purity. So, if you're in a relationship and you have a single male friend or even a married male friend, all your interactions should focus on absolute purity. You should do nothing that would cause guilt in anyway. 


I guess then it is important to note what constitutes purity. Well, purity is clean, without sin. Thus, our thoughts and actions have to be sinless. Remember how in the Bible it states in Matthew 5:28 "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." So we have to be really careful about how we think about others. Does your close friendship with another guy cause stress in your relationship or create thoughts such as, what would it be like to be with him? That's pretty dangerous stuff there. It can create a whole lot of trouble.


Well, I think we all have to decide how to treat others outside of our relationship and the Holy Spirit will guide our hearts to know the right thing. You have to decide where the boundaries are. Is it okay for your guy friend to have a real heart to heart conversation with you or is that the type of thing you should just have with your significant other? Is it okay do go out and do stuff just the two of you, without your significant other? Maybe the rules change depending on who the person is and the history you have with them. Yet no matter what, it is important you know where you stand and have an idea of this stuff in your mind so that when the situation comes up, you will know how to properly react to it.


So really, if you think about everyone as either your brother or sister, father or mother, it makes the situation a little clearer. Maybe this is something you should talk about and decide as a couple. If you're acting in purity, being honourable towards the opposite sex, treating the guys like you would a brother, than that's good. It is just important to be careful and understand the impact that our other friendships can have on our marriage or dating relationship. And as always, if you keep your eyes on God, he will lead you. 



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