Dating and Parents!

Hey Girls,


There is a lot to getting to know a guy and having him come to know who you are. And there are so many other things involved with it too, like getting to know the parents, or dealing with conflicting life plans or just managing the drama that comes from everyone having an opinion about your relationship. There is a lot of stress that can build in the early days of a relationship.


I find this a little tricky subject matter because I wasn't a fan of dating (most of it was long distance anyway- which sucks!!!). So I invite any comments or suggestions about this topic and things you'd like me to blog about to give me some ideas- jog my memory a bit..haha.


So, I thought I'd start at the beginning, dealing with the parental influence in the dating relationship. After all, there seems to be a definite trend now where young people live with their parents far into their 20s. Now, I believe that dating rules do change once you graduate high school. Sorry all you teen girls out there but rules are stricter for you! And when you're older, you will understand. Such as 'be home at 11' or you're parents have to meet the guy (and know the two of you as friends first) before dating can start.
 But then, 18 rolls around, legally you're an adult but I think that until we move out of our parents house- we do have to live by their rules. It only make sense. We're not on our own yet and they are still caring for us, so they are still responsible. It's their home so we are under their 'house rules', their moral guidance. The Bible firmly tells us to honour our father and mother. Ephesians 6:2-3 "Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."


Okay, so we're older now. An adult but still living at home and attempting to maintain a relationship with a guy we really like and feel that God has in mind for us to be with. He meets the parents (and hopefully you're parents have been praying for the right guy for you so their feelings towards him confirm yours) but what if they don't approve? All I can suggest is a lot of prayer.
 As a teen, you're parents do have control to forbid you to date but I believe that with maturity comes a level of responsibility. You're responsible for your actions but you also have to respect your parents. A lot of difficulties with parents can be dealt with through prayer and honest discussions, and sometimes you just have to respect them for a time so they can learn to trust you. Even with the little things, like if you're parents won't let you stay the night at your boyfriends (without his parents there) and you're like 20! Sometimes strict rules like that can really suck but in an example like that- just bring your boyfriend to your house. After all, we know to avoid temptation so going away for a weekend alone with your boyfriend (as awesome as it may seem) is probably a bad idea in the long run. Parents have a tendency to know these things, having learned from their own mistakes.


Yet dealing with parents is tough because often when they do impose limits and rules on your personal life, it really sucks! How can you get to know your significant other if your parents keep interfering? The more you bring the guy around to your home, when you're parents are around, the more comfortable they can get with him. Same goes for you and his parents. It is important that both families support your relationship because you don't want to have the strife that comes otherwise.


Then there are those girls who are already living on their own, and totally responsible for themselves. You've removed yourself from your parents and so all these decisions come right down to you. You're on your own. Yet your parents will still have influence over you. Their opinions do count for something and while you don't necessarily have to do what they say, you do still need to act respectfully toward them.


What about when our parents are wrong? Or when his parents are wrong about you? It's sooo tempting to tell your significant other to rebel against what their parents say because you know in your heart that it's wrong. How can you honour your parents then? Or say you're parents aren't Christians, and give you harmful advice or don't respect the fact that you want to date another Christian? The truth is, the Bible still tells us to honour them. Although Ephesians 6: 4 does say "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Parents have a responsibility in how they instruct and treat their children. So what do you do? First and foremost, we have to obey God. And he will tell us in our hearts how to deal with these difficult situations. 


Sometimes our parents just do not understand the way we are and how we deal with things in the relationship because they are not directly involved. This is tough because you want them to trust you because you think you know the circumstances better than they do- and maybe you do but on the other hand, you're parents think that they know best. It's difficult dealing with this. Yet for me, the question comes to mind that if there is so much trouble with the relationship or with something you want to do with your boyfriend between you and your parents- maybe you and God need to have a long chat. God does not want discord in the family and he wants you to have a fruitful life/relationships as well, so  he knows best.


After all, the key to any successful relationship is keeping God at the center of it. 


In essence, if you are living by the support of your parents, than you do fall under their guidance (they're accountable). If you are on your own, taking care of yourself, your decisions are your responsibility (you're accountable). In both situations, avoidance to sin is vital and listening to God is first. If God really wants you to spend your life with that guy, trust him to make it happen.